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Crying Cows and Gay Dolls

2 Jun

I am a person who already doesn’t really like meat. Except for bacon. But who doesn’t like bacon? I can’t decide if this quotation makes me crave a steak or never want to touch the stuff again.

It’s kind of like when you finish watching SuperSize Me. The logical part of your brain never wants another Big Mac, but a larger part is screaming, “Hie thee to a McDonald’s post haste!”

I present Mr. Ellis’ somewhat perverse thoughts on steak:

“I do not season steak. Start seasoning steak and before you know it? You’re French.

No, I go to my personal butcher and say, “Give me a piece of meat that’s been sawn off an animal.” And they throw me a chunk of animal.

And then I say, “Show me the animal this meat was sawn off.” And they show me a picture of a crying cow with a gaping hole in its side.

And I say, “Did the animal cry when you sawed my piece of meat off it?” And they show me a zip-lock bag full of cow tears.

And I say, “Rub that on my steak! Let THAT be my seasoning!”

-Warren Ellis

Also came across this today, which is just too good not to post. It’s a vintage ad from the 70’s and, well, I think it speaks for itself:

So there you have it. If you’re having trouble coming out to your homophobic parents, get yourself a Gay Bob Doll and come out with him!

The part that really cracks me up is that they make specific mention in an italicized, larger font that Bob has private parts.  While I congratulate  Bob on being a “whole” man, it seems like it would make putting those tiny pants on him very difficult.

It also strikes me as ironic that the “Come Out of the Closet Doll” comes with a closet. Maybe it’s just in case he changes his mind.